Something Sacred
If there is anything worth worshiping, nothing might be as worthy a candidate as that all-creating relationship between a single infinitely simple, to the point of undefinability, is-ness, which I the one writing this submit to my part in the relationship, and name the universe, and the miraculous power of the mind which has taken this fabric of singular is-ness and created the most insanity inducing tapestry of everything, from electrons, to rocking chairs, to motherhood. That in that relationship, an infinite and doomed pursuit of a truth-singularity, everything was and is and will be born.
Wasting time
Time Time! I've wasted time! there's minutes, hours, seconds, that have gone Unused Unutilized Underutilized fractions of a moment that didn't mean something Cast away to the desolation of a thing with no legacy That “might as well not have been” sort of desolation I know at the end of my life When i’ve no more time to spend I will regret those moments I cannot waste any more time. but when i'm there, in whatever bed i lay upon, at the end of my days, I already know I will regret the seconds which right now are already past. that future me will never be satisfied she never could have been. and so maybe I can waste seconds rewatch my third favorite film for the third time this month stay up late cracking jokes with my friends instead of advancing my career path or just lay in my bed not enjoying myself at all maybe that's okay because I want to live for my life for the rest of my life because you cannot live for the sake of your death that is to live for nothing at all Time Is Passing ... ..... ... by
No, I'm not watching the fucking Minecraft movie
I was talking to doug earlier about the minecraft movie and he said something that made me realize i don’t know that i’m being completely honest about how the film makes me feel, he said that you told him you thought i was too harsh on an innocent kinda bad film, and I realized there's a feeling that's been brewing in my mind that I've always been kind of aware of but ive never really vocalized and so there was no way anyone including you could have known it was influencing my opinions on this film i haven’t seen. I kinda tend to portray my feelings about the movie as if it's just like anger and frustration at the film for being qualitatively bad, but internally I think it just gives me more of this existential heartbreaking worry, not in terms of the movie itself but what it represents for society and culture. It's not so much that any of the jokes I've seen are bad, as in not funny/dont work as intended bad, but it's a movie entirely constructed as a product. Everything I see from it feels so visibly designed as a product, the lava chicken song was written because Warner Brothers executives know that household name Jack black singing a silly song sells lots and lots of tickets, so Jack Black sings a silly song in the movie. It is an assembly line product that exists today in a watchable state almost as a waste product of the machine that the film industry has turned into. A company needed to extort the masses for more money, so it greenlit production on a theatrical event based on a recognizable ip, fitted to a structural mold designed to get as many butts in seats as possible, and now as a weird byproduct, the film exists still today and we can watch it whenever we want. I rlly rlly love movies as an artform, obv this is true for all art forms but it's such a magical way for the human spirit to express itself, challenge itself, create itself, and what that has turned into through the media industry makes me want to pull all of my teeth out. It's destroying the capacity or demand for art that is authentic and human and making us even forget what that ever meant. It's replacing humanity and expression with a delicious poison that we can’t get enough of. I feel like it's killing people’s ability to be full authentic people every day, myself included. Thats a problem that has existed WAAAAAAAAY before the minecraft movie, but it's just an example that feels so audaciously in your face, so laid bare for everyone to see, as if hollywood is saying “we can tell you to your face we’re killing you with this meaningless slop we've been shoving down your throat for the last 20 years and you won’t even care.” and they’re right! Nobody cares! Nobody in the universe thinks this is a piece of art designed by an impassioned soul who executed a creative vision, and nobody cares, i struggle to understand how the existence of this film, the sins of capital and its corrosive effect on the human soul over years and years laid bare in a single product didn’t cause mass panic, didn’t cause people to run for the streets and say “they’re killing us! They’re killing us and we never noticed!” instead everybody knows and nobody cares, it genuinely terrifies me because i dont see a way out for humanity at this point, i have to believe people will become self aware at a point and say enough is enough but the massive financial success of this movie, of the new lilo and stitch, of so much of this shit just makes my subconscious feel like there is no wakeup call left and the majority of people just don't care, are entirely fine with the world ending like this. I know this is ridiculously melodramatic for a reaction to a children's film, but it's this weird little bug inside me that's been eating me up and has inspired a lot of my conversational anger towards the film that I have misplaced towards apparent subpar writing or a mediocre premise. I don’t know that it's a badly made or unfunny film, and if I watched it I'll fully admit I might like it, but it feels like an avatar my mind has been projecting these fears for the future of art and for human life onto in what might be an unfair fashion. I still probably won’t see the film, not because I believe in my heart of hearts that I won’t have a good time, but because I need to feel subconsciously like I'm standing my ground, that I don't not care about what is being done to us in the name of profit. At the end of the day though, I finished writing out this paragraph and then switched tabs to watch a youtube short, so I don't know what good this audience of one moral grandstand is meant to do anyhow.
